I heard you passed from this life noon yesterday. One week to the day from the last time I saw you.
I drove more than 700 miles to have that last visit.
I took a day after hearing about your transition from, a month of ICU hospitalizations and rehab center attempts, to comfort care…hospice care in the hospital…to set my life up so I could leave.
Getting away for a few days is complex with my agreements to my Lady and my Pack.
My best friend and ‘Leather-Sister’ had a massive stroke four and a half years ago. She requires 24/7 care which I agreed to provide. If I want to go do something without her I agreed to arrange for her caregiving coverage.
I also have a Great Dane who has special needs…I cannot leave either of them with just anybody.
My dad died four and a half months ago and I am officially shunned as a ‘Disassociated Person’. I did not go see him in the week before he died…it’s complicated.
It felt really important to take this ‘Journey’ to show up for Sarge. One of my ‘Chosen Family’. He was raised Mormon. He was gay. He was 72. He held space for his partner of almost 50 years to die at home, in a protracted battle with cancer, with grace and love.
He and I understood a lot of things about each other.
I didn’t drive to my ‘Jehovah’s Witness’ father’s dying bedside to say goodbye. In my grief of my father’s passing I was unwilling to subject myself to the familiar trauma of trying to be with my family. His death bed one of the only places I am allowed to be included according to the Society’s rules.
My parents follow the rules.
Sarge did not.
I am grateful I made the Journey to say good-bye to Sarge…I feel a little like I went to my father.